Geez, hope that Gail Warne turns up quarter of an hour early like she said she would. I hate being the up-front person.  Ten to, five to, 6pm, 5 past, #@%*  where is she?  Oh no, those two couples belong to the club where can I hide, darn they’ve seen me.

“Hello how ya doin, okay mmm great um um. Gai…il how are you, geez ya looking good oh nice to see you too Rae. (flipping heck woman you could have been on time fancy leaving me to cope by myself)

What’s next? Yeah yeah wrap the presents, put the nibbles out.  Gail, Gai……il more people, talk to them will ya, good on ya. Phew Fatu and Twiggy have turned up now I’ll be alright.

By this stage most people have knocked back a couple of drinks and the wormies are really causing havoc in a number of tum tums. Once one tum tum heads for the bistro it’s not long before the rest follow.

Twenty two dollars and you can eat as much as you like.  After that happy thought there was much to-ing and fro-ing of tum tums, I think a lot of tum tums were supported by hollow legs!

Ah look the DJ’s turned up, Roger is it, nice to meet you.  This bloke doesn’t muck around the music’s hardly started and he yells out “gentlemen stand up and put your right hand on your hip, ladies put your arm through the nearest gentleman’s right arm” what’s he ……… “gentlemen escort your lady to the dance floor” oh dear can’t sit down now.  Our DJ was Roger Neame and even though he didn’t have a big group he made it a very enjoyable night for all.

Tell you what this DJ knew his stuff, the next thing you know he’s created a five piece band.  Sav the vocalist, Gail (you are late) Warne on sax, Warwick (Fatu) Smith on electric guitar, Rae (Landi) Warne on bass and Brent (roadkill) Linqvist on drums.  Talk about talented not only that….they were multi-talented they could all sing and play every instrument!!! Awesome.  But the best part of all they were only an ‘air band’ thank god.

Then came the judging of the hats, Mrs Lollipop, the balding clowns, Kangaroo Pete, roadkill Linqvist, he got the idea on the way to the social. After flattening a rooster he jumped out rung it’s neck grabbed a bunch of feathers and the rest they say is history.

President Murray and Roger the DJ were elected as judges, everyone paraded around the dance floor and they chose the donkey and Mrs Lollipop as the winners.  Oh no, that’s Gail and me.  Booooooooooooo biased judging rigged rigged. Mr DJ you got us into this mess you’ve got to get us out any ideas? How about a limbo dance ah excellent idea, found a broom handle and off we went.  Wellllll what a bunch of old geriatrics, apart from some of the ladies and Lloyd (twinkletoes) Knowles (that man is limber) and Kangaroo Pete Lowish. 

Now old Kangaroo Pete had a style that was ummmmm different, hop hop sip from beer in right hand, hop hop hop lean forward under the pole swig from hip flask in left hand hop hop.  If Pete had inadvertently breathed into the snorkel of the Pajero on the way home that night Helen would have beaten every boy racer in Nelson, phew that was a potent brew Pete.

After the ladies had been up and strutted their stuff next came the mens turn and Mr DJ couldn’t help himself and on came that song “get your gear off”.  Well you know what happens when too much of the amber nectar is consumed, you guessed it - off came the shirt and all the ladies looked and went ahhhhhhhh, thank god it was only Twiggy Nichols, turn him side on and you could miss him completely. Sorry Graeme.  Better luck next time ladies.

I believe everyone who turned up had a good night. 
So until next time it’s goodbye from
The Tinman